At night, alone, I just sat and waited. Once again I found myself contemplating what I should be doing to do something of worth. Everything I came up with seemed irreverent or irrelevant.
--Patti Smith, Just Kids
Saturday morning in Torah
study , as we were discussing Nitzavim and the idea of having one time a year
to stand and account for ourselves, one of the participants said, “but shouldn't
we do that all the time?”
Of course the answer is yes; we shouldn't wait until Rosh Hashanah
for cheshbon hanefesh, the accounting of the soul. Of course we shouldn't wait
until Yom Kippur for tshuvah, the turning that returns us to God, ourselves and
each other. At the time, I said that, despite that fact, most of us wait until
the last minute. We’re spiritual procrastinators, afraid to look ourselves in
the mirror, afraid to make a full accounting. As with much else in life, we
need a deadline, and the first ten days of a New Year are as good a time as
any.
The Days Of Awe raise the question of our
intentions. It’s one thing to go through life with our only inner monologue
justifying our actions, our choices. It’s one thing to avoid or escape
self-reflection. It’s another thing entirely to carve time out to really listen
carefully to the still, small voice within.
Rosh Hashanah comes and our intentions are questioned as
much as our actions. Did we mean to do the right thing, or to do the convenient
thing? Do we mean to do something of worth, or something of self-satisfaction? Surely
our actions require reflection as well, but without proper intention—focused intention—our
actions, no matter how praiseworthy, will fail to nourish our spirit.
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