It takes the form of three statements, left ambiguous, that should relate to your own spiritual practice. The questions are:
When I first...
Then I...
And Now...
So mine took the following form:
When I did my first funeral, it was the summer between my second and third years of rabbinic school. I was newly married, and young, and I was covering for Rabbi Mark Goldman at Rockdale. I was terribly nervous, and very self-conscious, and worked really hard to be fully present (and was intense about it!) and share as much of the tradition as I could.
Then, I started to get resentful. Here I was, focusing so much on the tradition and trying to guide the family, and all they cared was that it was a half-hour long, or that we DIDN'T lower the casket, or that uncle Shmuley could talk for too long, etc.
Then I did a funeral at Shir Ami (along with Rabbi Strom) where the two sons of the deceased, a dad who died unexpectedly and who loved do-wop, played 50s do-wop and danced for their father. Here they were, two boys my age (at the time, late 20s/early 30s), who's father had just passed, and they were DANCING for him. And it was beautiful and meaningful and...appropriate. Not at all "Jewish" but among the best ways to celebrate a person as I've ever seen.
Now, I've learned to (mostly) lighten up and how to be present and let the family tell me where they need to be, rather than take them where I think they should go.
It was a wonderful morning of sharing and I learned a lot about my colleagues. So now let me ask you to do the same thing--fill in the blanks for yourself and share them. Perhaps it's on prayer, or Torah, or parenthood, or couplehood, or something else.
When I first...
Then I....
And now....
WHEN I FIRST BECAME RECONNECTED WITH SYNAGOGUE LIFE AS A YOUNG ADULT I FOUND OUT THAT THE JEWISH WORLD WAS MUCH BROADER THAN THE LIMITED ONE I HAD BEEN LIVING IN. I FOUND A DEEPER AND MORE MEANINGFUL CONNECTION TO MY JEWISH PAST THROUGH INTENSE STUDY, SYNAGOGUE INVOLVEMENT AND MY ENTRY INTO JEWISH TEACHING. I FOUND CONNECTION WITH THE JEWISH COMMUNITY, AND MY LIFE BECAME JEWISH CENTERED, NOT HALACHLY, BUT IN TERMS OF INVOLVEMENT. ETHICALLY AND CULTURALLY AND SPIRITUALLY, JUDAIM SPOKE TO ME.
ReplyDeleteTHEN I GOT A GLIMPSE INTO THE POLITICS OF ORGANIZED JEWISH ORGANIZATIONS AND FOUND MYSELF BECOMING INCREASINGLY DISENCHANTED WITH THE UNETHICAL ACTIONS OF JEWISH LEADERS AND THEIR DISREGARD FOR THE INDIVIDUAL. I FOUND THAT CONCERNS FOR THE NON-JEWISH POPULATION, FISCAL CONSIDERATIONS AND UNINFORMED DECISION MAKING PREVAILED, AND THE GRAPEVINE BECAME MORE POWERFUL THAN DIRECT AND HONEST COMMUNICATION.
AND NOW I REMAIN INVOLVED IN COMMUNITY JEWISH LIFE AND EDUCATION BUT VIEW ORGANIZED JEWISH LIFE WITH LESS HOPE AND MORE SKEPTISISM AS I SEE THAT SYNAGOGUES AND OTHER JEWISH INSTITUTIONS ARE SO CAUGHT UP IN BUSINESS GOALS AND POLITICS THAT THEIR VERY PURPOSE HAS BECOME ALMOST ENTIRELY SUBORDINATE, SO THAT SYNAGOGUES ARE NO LONGER A SOURCE OF STRENGTH, GROWTH OR EVEN INSPIRATION. I OBSERVE, IN GENERAL, THE UNFAVORABLE IMPACT JEWISH INSTITUTIONS HAVE ON INTERFAITH FAMILIES, AND WONDER WHETHER RELIGIOUS IDENTITY SHOULD PLAY A PROMINENT ROLE IN ANYONE’S LIFE WHEN IT BECOMES DIVISIVE. YET, I KEEP HOPING THAT JEWISH INSTITUTIONS WILL REEVALUATE THEIR MISSIONS AND FOCUS IN THEIR ROLES AS CARING, SUPPORTING NETWORKS WHERE PEOPLE CAN GROW BOTH SPIRITUALLY AND PERSONALLY UNDER THE LEADERSHIP OF ETHICAL AND WISE LEADERS.
Thank you for bring this format to my attention, as I am planning to use it with my adult students.